The Spoon in the Bathroom Wall Read online

  Then Dr. Klunk looked down. He saw the wondrous spoon in Marthur’s hand. His eyes bulged like an evil toad’s. He licked his chops and leered from ear to ugly ear.

  “Well, well, well,” he sneered. “What have we here?”

  XXIV

  Dr. Klunk snatched the spoon from Marthur. He grinned grotesquely.

  “Thanks, little missy.” And he hotfooted it for the office.

  Klunk snapped on the school loudspeaker and blurted: “Attention! Stop stuffing your faces, everybody! Get to the auditorium!”

  His voice screaked like a short circuit. Everybody moved quick. (Even the burger guys.) Maybe an earthquake was coming. Or a tidal wave. Or an invasion of frogs. In no time, all of Horace E. Bloggins School was packed into the auditorium.

  “I yanked the spoon from the bathroom wall! See?” Klunk blustered, waving it like a shillelagh. “I now proclaim myself—”

  “The fattest liar on the face of the earth!” blared Rufus. “I saw the whole thing. Marthur pulled out that old spoon!”

  The throng gasped so deeply, it nearly sucked all the air from the room. Marthur was flabbergasted (and touched) that Rufus had spoken up for her.

  “He’s spouting bunk!” shouted Klunk.

  Rufus had a reputation for prevarication. So now—heavens to mercy!—nobody believed him! It got very quiet in the auditorium. Everybody looked worried out of his mind. Holy hasenpfeffers! Klunk was going to be king. Nothing could stop him!

  Suddenly the air rang like a gong. “Feign not, blackguard! I, too, bear witness,” intoned a voice that only a Spoon of Power could possess. It was passionately angry. It was a right regal spoon and would not brook the shenanigans of the blasted buffoon.

  With a wrench, it wrested itself from Klunk’s grasp. For a moment it shivered in midair right in his face. Then—it thwacked him on the head, like cracking a great big hard-boiled egg.

  “Ow!”

  Klunk ran.

  The archaical (but nimble) spoon gave chase.

  “Rotter! Rogue! Rascal! Scoundrel! Scalawag! Wretch! Blackguard! Churl! Miscreant! Villain! Vile varlet! Blot! Blight! Blister! Plague! Calumnious knave!” it raged.

  Whack! It smacked him again.

  “Ow!”

  Whack! Whack! Whack!

  “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

  Everybody cheered.

  “Enough!” cried Marthur. “Stop!”

  At once the venerable spoon obeyed.

  “Your wish is my command, O faire liege lady-king.”

  It slipped itself into her hand.

  “I am called X-Cauliflower, Your Highness,” the spoon apprised her. (X-Q Marthur realized. Like on the egg carton!)

  “I am called Marthur,” whispered Marthur shyly.

  She glanced up. She saw her dear father beaming at her—and crying. She saw all the kids she’d ever helped cheering and cheering. She saw Ferlin arrayed in full regalia, smiling and proudly twirling her mustache. (That is, she would have been if she’d had one. She was twirling a frizzy hank of hair.)

  Ferlin looked at Marthur with love. “Hail!” she said.

  “Please, don’t do that.” Marthur blushed.

  “Looky there!” somebody shouted. Twelve eggs, now solid gold, came razzmatazzing in. Rufus was with them. He waved his hands just so, and the eggs split open to reveal twelve golden dragons, fizzing and spritzing like sparklers.

  “Behold the Dragons of the Realm,” said Ferlin, as the creatures swelled, bigger and bigger. “They will protect you from anything, my king—and provide fine fireworks for your coronation.”

  “They’re good at that.” Marthur laughed. “But I can’t be king,” she whispered, embarrassed by the fuss. “All I did was pull out a spoon.”

  “Ah! But you acted out of mercy and kindness,” said Ferlin. “Just what a good monarch needs. You could have let the griffin gobble Klunk.”

  “I can’t be king,” Marthur insisted. “I’m only ten. I don’t know anything.”

  Ferlin said gently, “The rules for kinging are pretty much like the rules for teaching.”

  Marthur was amazed. She finally said, “Except for homework?”

  “That’s up to you, King Marthur.”

  And so (Hold fast!) Marthur’s dream came true. Though she was not a teacher, she was a king—which was more or less the same.

  XXV

  What a magnificent time for the Snapdragon family! For everybody!

  One week later, amid a great hubbub of excitement (with X-Cauliflower beside her), King Marthur took charge of Horace E. Bloggins School.

  Immediately, King Marthur made some changes:

  She gave illuminated textbooks to every single kid at Bloggins. She asked the woodshop class to make a round table, so there would be no special seats at meetings. She made Dr. Klunk the janitor. Her adored father became principal. (Not many schools had a principal and a king, but the Snapdragons were a team.) Of course, Ferlin remained Marthur’s dear adviser.

  What about Rufus Turk? He was named the Bloggins Dragon Keeper, in charge of all school special effects. For “gallantly bearing witness under no duress whatsoever,” Ferlin presented Rufus with his own personal dragon. (That really wowed his father!)

  Last, so that no kid would ever go hungry, King Marthur proclaimed:

  The cafeteria will forever serve—

  FREE BACON!

  About the Author

  TONY JOHNSTON’s numerous books for children include It’s About Dogs, illustrated by Ted Rand, Very Scary, illustrated by Douglas Florian, and The Day of the Dead, illustrated by Jeanette Winter. She lives with her family in California.